The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
