The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
