I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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