You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
