it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They took my balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
