So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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