She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
