can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
