I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
