I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I puked a lego.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
