i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I smell stomach acid.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
