I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
