At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
