Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
