I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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