im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
