if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
