I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
