Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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