No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
