That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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