Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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