Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize