Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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