I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
