I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
