Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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