you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
