We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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