I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
