There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
