My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
