I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
