The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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