So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
