i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
