apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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