i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
