cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
