im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
