I am puke
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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