im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
