I didn't shave. On purpose
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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