Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
