So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
