Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
