I think my vagina is haunted
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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