So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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