mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize