Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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