I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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