i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
