Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
