This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
