I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
