you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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