I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
