Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
