a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
