Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
