I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
