I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
