My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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