Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
