Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
