We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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