We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize