i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
