I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
