Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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