I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
