Small penises have feelings too.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are we still banned from the library?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
