I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
