Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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