it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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