I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
