i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
