i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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