How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
pop tarts are not kleenex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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