I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
