Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
