Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
