So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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