Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
