I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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