I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
