drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
