Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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