i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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